stream of misspelled conciousness...

we got ina big fight.. hell, i dunno if it was a fight or not cause it was full of valid points, about our relationship.. and there was a conclusion in the end.

so, i live with someone who has serious anger managment issues. He;s always mad..mad at the world, at the construction outside, at his job , at the traffic, at musicians that are sucsessful when he's not, mad at this , mad at that, mad at EVERYTHING.

he gets depressed and bumms around watching tv, getting stoned, he goes to bed angry, he wakes up angry. BUT when he's in a good mood,.. he's FUN to be with.

but that's not all the time, or the majority of the time. Default is MAD and SAD.

I'm one of the most upbeat people.. i don't get mad over the piddly things in life, i'm optimistic.. but also insecure..so the negative energy around me is grating and causes me to think it's ME that's the problem.

He keeps saying he KNOWs he needs help with the anger issues.. but like with everything about his life he SAYS he is going to work on or fi, it's just talk. He's 38 years old.. if he hasn't started taking initiative to fix the problems in himself.. or at least seek an outside party to fix things.. he's not gonna!

the end of the whole things was him saying that we each have our issues and maybe he and i arent a good combo cause we can't handle eachothers issues.

i keep thinking I my move out.

it all makes sense.. i never felt like this guy was the one but the prospect of giving up on a relationship makes me feel icky. i keep thinking --everyone has thier problems, and no one is perfect all the time and if i can't make THIS relationship work--if i give up on this. doesn't that just make me a relationship quitter? what's to think i won't quit on anyone.

i've been told the guy i'm with is an extreme.. and maybe that's it.. i have some serious issues about relatioships to the point i want to try to make a relationship work with someone who is CLEARLY unstable to prove something to myself.

god--it's weird.. i've never lived with someone, has a serious relationship before.. it's real strange when it gets to the point where you love someone and want to make them happy and WANT it to work and realize, that maybe you both just dont belong together--i mean, this all outside of seeking professional help.

WHICH as been sugested. Rob needs counseling (and PAXIL, but that's besides the point) i think the only way this relationship is salvagable is if we seek outside help, but like i said, he's never made a move to change anything in his life in all his years-- and maybe i should realize he's not now.. and i'm not going to solve this.. and i need to move on.